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Single Parents - Divorced Adults Group Message Board › QOW #2: Are you happier now than you were five years ago?

QOW #2: Are you happier now than you were five years ago?

Sue
user 19379981
Prairie du Sac, WI
Post #: 10
Mary Anne - Yes, I am not always positive or happy at this point...however, I do try to be. I am not quite 4 months post divorce and the past year had been a huge struggle. However, I can look back and think to myself -- what was I thinking!!! So, I see that as a huge positive step. I did not want the divorce route, but really had no other choice. You can't be with someone that doesn't want to be with you. So after 27 years together I do have some trouble with it and accepting it. But, I am doing WAY better and all the folks in these fine groups make it so much NICER!

I am beginning to do things for ME. Taking on some projects that give me a sense of accomplishment. Finding some things that do make me happy!:) So its not all doomsday thinking and I guess I just wanted you to know that! One step at a time!

Thanks for the insight!!
Mary A.
user 14361280
Madison, WI
Post #: 31
Sue, you nailed it!

I started feeling better after my divorce, too, once I quit punishing myself for "failing"...it is NOT FAILING! As you said perfectly, "You can't be with someone that doesn't want to be with you." I realized (actually remembered, because we all know this) relationships involve TWO OR MORE PEOPLE that CHOOSE to be together, and it SHOULD be mutually beneficial...

If one or more is not contributing and not nuturing the relationship, it's not meant to continue. Regardless of whether that person knows what's best for them or not, it is ALWAYS their choice and we cannot change that. If someone's not thrilled to be with you and loving you for exactly who you are and helping you to grow and learn more about who you are, I strongly recommend taking the signs as a relationship that has run its course. Remember what you learned from it, and move on.

Cuz here's the best part...there is someone out there that will appreciate exactly who you are and want to love you completely...but if you're in an expired relationship or closing your heart because of your past, they can't possibly come in to your life. My daughter once told me (children are very wise and blunt, and we should listen to them more)...

KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, SO LOVE CAN COME IN . . . : ) I wear a ring almost constantly to remind myself of this...you can probably find one anywhere...it has a very simple heart outline on it...where the center is cut-out and open.

Again, be good to yourself, everyone...you deserve it so much! Have an awesome week!

Mary Anne
A former member
Post #: 12
A good friend told me shortly after my husband had left, that I needed to mourn. Mourn the future I had dreamed of and planned for the past almost 20 years, mourn the betrayal, the shame of being dumped, of failing (how hard we are on ourselves). God or karma or whatever put things in that first year or two that helped me immensely. Imagine working you second job as a hospice aide - going from one dying person's home to the next, driving through the countryside where we had spent 20 years together with memories on every backroad and town, listening to the radio... Mourn - that I did. I think all those tears really helped "cleanse my wounds" so they could heal.

That was 5 years ago. Whoah, I like 2011 MUCH better. I'm oodles stronger, not making the same mistakes (different ones now;-). I'm again single and am careful not to jump into a relationship just so I am not alone. I've gained a ton of perspective. I thought I'd love my ex forever - now it is like a surreal distant story. This is my "normal" - now and it is OKAY. I define myself much differently and draw strength from MANY places - mainly myself and my thoughts rather than counting on another person to build me up - or hold me up.
So... life can really bite at times. Eventually it really does get better and the sun starts shining again. We need to be sure our curtains are open so we see the sun on those beautiful days.
Kathy
A former member
Post #: 81
Oh, hell yes!
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