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Single Parents - Divorced Adults Group Message Board › QOW #6: Do you like being on your own?

QOW #6: Do you like being on your own?

Laura
user 6540411
Madison, WI
It's time for another Question of the Week, so here it is:

Do you enjoy the independence of being on your own or are you lonely? What are your feelings about getting (re)married?


Please post your replies to this thread on the message board. Suggestions for additional questions to pose to the group would be greatly appreciated.

A former member
Post #: 45

Do you enjoy the independence of being on your own or are you lonely? What are your feelings about getting (re)married?

Well, even after 4yrs, the new found independence is still hard to get use too. Ya I do feel lonely at times, especially when I'm kid-less. I can not see myself not getting remaried someday, but need that girlfriend first. lol
A former member
Post #: 101
At first I hated it all the time and constantly felt lonely. Now, I'd say about half the time I really enjoy being on my own, but I still have moments where I wish I at least had a boyfriend to hang out with, go camping, out to dinner, etc...I really didn't think it would be so difficult to find that! As for getting married again, I doubt I will but it's not something I've totally written off...yet smile
Daniela
user 9514061
Madison, WI
Post #: 4
I am a rather independent person and enjoy my space. I am usually pretty busy with either the children or with my job. I also have a wonderful network of close friends. I don't have much time for a relationship, and yes, I do get lonely and miss closeness, companionship and intimacy. Ideally, I'd like to have a great friend, with whom I enjoy my time with, can talk heart to heart...and also share some occasional snuggles with. Friend with benefits sounds so cliche, but I believe that is the root of any relationship; a great friendship plus intimacy. I do not belief in marriage, and will likely not marry again. I believe two people that love each other will commit to each other with or without a marriage license. Another thing that bugs me about singlehood is that I constantly have to ask others for help with things I simply can't do along, like lifting a snowblower out of my car etc. Luckily I am blessed with great and always helpful neighbors.
A former member
Post #: 2
I've used the time away from my two children (everyother week) as a chance to explore new activities. I've picked up running/biking and have entered a few triathlons...working out at the gym helps...I'm also reading a lot more. I tend to side with Daniela and think that a network of good friends helps, and I too miss the the special moments (closeness) that two great friends can share. While I can lift a snowblower out of my car, I found basic sewing to be a big issue....so I learned how from a friend (very basic stuff).
A former member
Post #: 5
There are some benefits to being alone for sure. For one thing, I'm coming out of an abusive relationship where walking on eggshells was the daily norm. I so don't miss that! I am having difficulties letting go of the dream of marriage though. All I ever wanted was someone to take care of and to be taken care of in return- not too complicated a dream! I am slowly letting go of that dream, and am finding my independence a blessing in its own right. I do believe in marriage, but doubt it'll ever happen for me again. IF I do ever marry again, it'll be a very long engagement first!
A former member
Post #: 46
I'm coming out of an abusive relationship where walking on eggshells was the daily norm. I so don't miss that!

Ditto!!!!!
Kathryn
user 10588499
Madison, WI
Post #: 11
I do like the independence of being on my own. Although I miss things like snuggling and sharing things in life, there is give and take to that. I really like being active and enjoying life, and I am not held back by anybody. I love to do activities like I have done with the meetup groups, so I do find these groups very beneficial. And I like having alone time, too....time to take off for a hike or bike ride, or just watch a movie I want to see. I was previously held back from activities that I love....and I relish in doing these things. The hard part for me are the things I don't know how to do. I am not good with computer (i.e., updates or repairs) or cars and especially struggled the last year after my arm injury and shoulder surgery. The other thing that is hard for me are house repairs... However, I strongly believe in finding the blessings in life, and I have had good times with my son and great memories also. I have and am still making good friends, and that is a wonderful gift that has come out of this. I am not typically lonely because I have chosen to find ways to deal with the loneliness....like these groups and being with friends.

If I met someone and it was a great match, I would definitely think about remarrying. However, it would have to be a person I can truly envision my life and my son's life with. Someone who would be good to me and to my son. Someone I am really happy with and enjoy life with...and who will share in things I enjoy, too. If it happens someday, that would be great. But if it doesn't, I am not going to wallow in what I don't have, but I am going to look at those gifts in life that have been given to me. You are all a part of that. :) I will take action to have the best life I can and have the cup half full....or more. :)

A former member
Post #: 9
I was extremely lonely and depressed after my divorce. However, and this is not meant as an advertisement for this group, once I joined SPDA and started going out and making new friends it all changed. My loneliness melted away and I was much more comfortable being alone.

As for getting married again? Right now I would say I don't plan to. But I don't rule it out completely. It would definitely depend on the person and the situation. The thought of another marriage (and possibly another divorce?) terrifies me. I can't imagine going through that again.
Ron M
user 11190248
Madison, WI
Post #: 1
The alone/lonely question is such a good one, and one that I have thought about and talked about a great deal over the past year. Although in the past I really cherished my solo time, when I became separated, being alone immediately became, well, intolerable. My social life was mostly connected to the marriage and my wife was the primary driver. So it felt like that rug was abruptly pulled out from under me. I found myself planning my week in advance to intentionally be in the company of others, sometimes even just with strangers at the gym or a coffee shop, along with evening suppers with past friends that I reached out to, and a weekly divorced/separated support group meeting. And I'm with my kids on the weekends, which is gold for me. Solo time has gotten much easier and become more natural again for me lately, but it's most comfortable when I know I have something social coming up to look forward to.

As for marrying again, I think it's just too soon for me to make a reasonable statement - despite the pain, I never like to close out an option prematurely.
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