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“Unconditional love” may seem like an obvious given in most relationships. A virtue. An aspect of the relationship that should be handed over on a silver platter.

“I love you no matter what.”
“I will love you forever.”
“Till death do us part.”

These are confessions of love we utter to our significant others. But the more we poke at the nature of romantic unconditional love; it very quickly slips from a relationship standard to something quietly dangerous.

It is in our biological nature to expect unconditional love from the fellow human beings around us. Eric Fromm in “The Art of Loving” says that unconditional love has an indisputable existence. It can manifest in Motherly Love, Brotherly Love, even Self-Love. We can expect and extend it. However, in the case of eros, when we are actively choosing someone specific and then choosing whether to give them and receive love from them, where does unconditional love fall? Is it possible to have a romantic, long-lasting relationship without “conditions”?

How much of the love we see around us and the depictions of love we see from mainstream media is accurate? How much of it can exist in our capitalist, results-driven, metrics-oriented world? And how have these societal alterations changed the way we view relationships?

Questions like this and more will be discussed at this Valentine’s Socrates Cafe. We will not be debating love. We will be breaking it down. Understanding what makes relationships fulfilling and long-lasting. Asking what is “unconditional” and if it should be used at all.

Whether partnered, single, searching or intentionally unattached, all are welcome.

Questions:

  1. When someone says, “I’ll love you no matter what,” is that beautiful or reckless? What is the promise really binding you to?
  2. Should forgiveness in romance ever be unconditional? Where’s the line between compassion and self-betrayal?
  3. Name one thing that should be unconditional in romantic love, and one thing that absolutely shouldn’t be.
  4. Why does unconditional love feel appropriate for children but risky between partners? What are the fundamental differences?
  5. What makes “unconditional love” admirable in comradeship (teams/shared duty,) yet potentially unhealthy in romance?
  6. If we retire the phrase “unconditional love,” what would replace it as a healthier romantic ideal, in one sentence?
  7. Buying gifts. Going on trips. Grand proposals. Are today’s romantic ideals built to sustain a long-lasting relationship? In what ways are they not?

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Unconditional Love

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