About us

We are a support and education group for survivors and victims of Narcissistic abuse and Coercive Control. What is a Narcissist and what is a Narcissistic relationship? The way we look at narcissism in the context of relationships and identifying mental health issues is that a relational narcissist was raised by a parent who was unable to meet the child's early emotional needs. When the child's psyche was wide open and ready to absorb all of the higher order emotions - love, compassion, attunement, empathy - the dysfunctional parent had nothing to give. The child grows up without the rich emotions that draw us into trusting, loving, interdependent relationship. They see others having all manner of emotions and have a sense of disgust about the unreliability of feelings. They secretly feel that people openly showing their emotions are weak and easy to manipulate. "Show them the emotions they want, tell them what they want to hear, and then you can lead them anywhere you wish. They practically deserve to be taken advantage of." Because they lack compassion and empathy, they don't care if they hurt you to get what they want. They feel nothing. You are an object to be used, and your longing for love makes you a perfect target.
So the relational narcissist thinks that they are clever and they enjoy making a game out of manipulating your emotions. Although your emotions have a healthy function, the narcissist's do not, for they are not real emotions at all. It is why nothing makes sense and nothing you do ever works. All the great chemistry, love and romance that you felt in the beginning was never real. It was just the hook to pull you in. And the narcissist keeps you chasing that hook throughout the entire relationship. What is "the Hook?" It is the pattern of giving you that delirious love and then taking it away. Then by steady months and years of complaining, questioning and criticizing, the victim gradually becomes "de-selfed." By reinforcing their message every day, they edge you ever closer to monopolizing reality. The victim's authentic self is gone and replaced by a "pseudo-self" who tries without success to make the narcissist happy. But if the victim is able to escape the narcissist's daily influence, their personality begins to gradually return after a few weeks.
It is incredibly painful to be trapped, and there is so much guilt and shame even to leave a narcissistic relationship. You need to rebuild who you are, or even start over and recreate yourself. And that is what this group is for, to help you remember who you are, to reclaim your authentic self, and to learn how to identify an emotionally healthy partner when you are ready to try again. Thank you for having the courage to join us. Your heart is safe here.