Lunch time Discussion & Debate: Stay married, or divorce? How it impacts kids?

This week's 'suggested' prompt question:

Intro:

The institution of marriage is one that needs both partners to be committed (to it) for life. Initially, most marriages are about love, loyalty, compassion and caring. As we change (and age) so do our identities as people; we are not the same person as when we got married. For example, our views once shared with our partner might of changed and partner no longer meets our needs (and vice versa). This doesn't make us bad people. The failure to recognize these changes between partners may be a fatal blow to the union. Some people even say they fell out of love (or like) with their partner because they were different when they got married to them (that's certainly not false!). Sometimes the tension causes some people to be abusive (mentally and/or physically) to the point that the union is much more toxic than loving. Getting help may be an option - but, some people will be pressured to stay in marriages for their children who were innocently born into the union.

When people are faced with the hard decision of separating / divorcing - they ask: what about the kids?

Separation and Divorce is hard on any child as well as the partners and their extended families. What's worse is that the legal system allows some (not all) 'opportunistic' lawyers to employ strategies pitting the partners against one another to maximize litigation and billings, putting a further strain on the families. Flagrant allegations of abuse (sometimes overinflated or untrue) usually fly back and forth in acrimonious divorces where one or both of the partners can be criminally processed (usually the man), further impacting the relationship with the affected parent's child(ren). While there are clear cases where people should not stay together: physical or mental abuse, endangerment to life of the parties, and most of all to the children - some relationships may just need help understanding one another to rekindle that connection.

Yet, people seem to (sometimes, but not always) throw in the towel rather quickly; eager to liberate themselves, to separate and/or divorce. The children have now gone from being stable in their bedroom at home, to bouncing around every other weekend or so, and tippy toe around what they tell their parents about the other on visits; or worse, one of the parents, who has never laid a finger on anyone, but has been charged and is restricted from contacting the other parent or the children.

See: https://youtu.be/9S60kJA6tic

What about the children? Do people not owe it to their children to try their best to make the marriage work? How would Socrates apply his unexamined life theory to divorce? Would he put himself first, or his family or children? How will the children be impacted if the two people they love and trust the most in the entire world are not together, and on top of that seem to completely dislike one another?

Interestingly, a Scientific American article argues that while the initial break up is tough for kids, however, only a small percentage of children experience serious problems as adults (of divorcing parents). {Really? I would have to seriously question this assertion. Would it not depend on how the parents behaved and parented during the divorce process?}

See: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/

At any rate, Jordan Peterson conversely argues that divorce is just bad all around and especially traumatic to children. He described getting a divorce like a non-fatal cancer and subjects the children to lifelong trauma which the above article seems to discount.

See: https://youtu.be/GWIYoB-qKZE

Rules:

This is a friendly discussion and debate on various issues - it's likely to be passionate. However, the first rule is that there is no attacking (or being rude) to the other person allowed. Deal with the argument, not attack the person making it. Mis-information, untruths, and racist and extremist nationalistic ideologies will not be allowed to the extent that it insults the participants. I understand there is a fine line between free speech (discussion) and moderating this, but, this is a private discussion group and I think most will understand this is an important mitigating tool to avoid harmful rhetoric.

Secondly, we do not discuss our personal backgrounds, education or other things - all we will know is our first names. This will allow the perception of the discussion and debate being on a level-playing-field - we are all, in any event, different and we can all learn from one another.

Thirdly, topic selection will be decided either by me (the moderator) or the group that day in a majority vote.

Finally, NO RECORDING allowed in any way. Note that you should absolutely NOT record our sessions in any way! There is no requirement for cameras to be on.

I look forward to meeting with you all.

Ali