Sat, Feb 21 · 1:00 PM MST
In Leadership and Self-Deception , the Arbinger Institute explores a powerful and often uncomfortable idea:
> Many leadership and relationship problems don’t come from lack of skill or effort—but from how we see (or fail to see) other people.
The book introduces the concept of “self-deception” —the tendency to justify our own behavior while blaming circumstances or others. When we operate “inside the box,” we see people as obstacles or objects. When we get “outside the box,” we see people as people—and leadership, accountability, and trust start to work differently.
How This Connects to Our Previous Books
Atomic Habits systems, behaviors, and identity . It taught us that lasting change comes from small, consistent actions—and from who we believe we are.Willpower limits of self-control and showed us that willpower is finite, shaped by energy, environment, and mindset.Leadership and Self-Deception “How do I control myself better?” or “How do I build better habits?” , it asks:“How am I seeing other people—and how does that shape my behavior?”
Together, the three books form a progression:
Atomic Habits → What I do repeatedly Willpower → What constrains my ability to do it Leadership and Self-Deception → How my internal story about others quietly undermines everything
What we will Discuss
Where do we see “self-deception” show up at work, at home, or in leadership roles?
How often do we justify ourselves while holding others to a different standard?
What does it look like to truly act “outside the box”?
How might this perspective change how we apply habits and willpower going forward?
No lectures—this is a shared exploration. Personal examples and honest reflection are welcome.
This book challenges us not just to improve ourselves , but to examine how our inner narratives affect our relationships. It’s a natural—and necessary—next step after focusing on habits and discipline.
We look forward to a thoughtful, engaging conversation with the group at The Exchange on Tejon .
