What we’re about
This is a group for women who are single and thinking of or trying to become pregnant on their own
This is a community for support, information, connections and sharing your own journey to be a Single Mother by Choice (SMC), with other women who are on the same SMC journey
It can be a lonely journey with a lot of set backs and challenges on the way, a lot of doubts and fears and questions - but you are not alone - our community is here for you, we are here to help and support
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My Story:
I had wanted to have children all my life.
When I found myself still single at the age of 43 years, I knew that I did not want to go through life without ever being a mother, it was now or never.
So I embarked on the journey to become a single mother by choice. I call the journey that single women take on the path to motherhood 'the long and winding road'.
It can be bumpy, and very lonely too
At my initial appointment, Dr. Dixon at Create told me at my age, I had a 3 - 5 % chance of getting pregnant and then if pregnant a 50% of miscarriage - not good odds at all. But I went for it. I was up for trying to 'beat the odds'
Picking the unknown sperm donor was just the 1st psychological hurdle, and once that difficult process/decision was behind me, it took me 6 unsuccessful IUIs before I would take the next plunge. I was now 44 and Dr. Dixon suggested trying IVF. So after I had already spent thousands and thousands of dollars on the many procedures and drugs that I needed to go this far in my fertility journey (a lot of it on credit) I had to take out a loan to pay for my expensive and invasive IVF treatment, and all the drugs to go with it - I took a leap of faith and felt that, if 'the universe' wanted me to have a child, and it was meant to be, it would all be worth it
I was a paramedic in Toronto, working shift work, so the year of cycle monitoring and various procedures on my fertility journey was not easy to co ordinate. Oh, and the other part to my story is, I told absolutely no one that I was doing all this. Not family, not friends.
The night before my IVF egg retrieval, I had to call an ambulance for my normally very healthy 72 year old father to go to the emergency dept, because he had a sudden medical emergency. He was still in the emerg. at Mount Sinai when I had to go to get my egg retrieval. We were waiting for results of a CT scan so I told the nurses I needed to leave for a few hours and to call me if he needed me. I headed to Create for my retrieval . Despite a large amount of fertility drugs, they retrieved just 4 eggs. A few hours later I returned to the emerg. There the Drs told my Dad he had 4 inoperable brain tumours and there was nothing they could do for him. He was admitted.
I was in Mount Sinai hospital with my Dad when I got the call two days later that only one of the 4 embryos was still alive for my day 3 embryo transfer scheduled for the next day - I was devastated, just one left. I remember the nurses trying to cheer me up as I got on the table on the day of my transfer by reminding me 'it just takes one egg!' Once done, they told me to go home and rest up, no exertion, no stress. They did not know that I was going right back to Mount Sinai to be with my Dad (I did not share the situation with the staff at Create)
I got the call from Create 2 weeks later while I was at Mont Sinai (I was there everyday with my Dad).
The nurse said 'congratulations, you are pregnant.' I couldn't believe it, my 'one good egg' had worked
My Dad died 4 weeks later, on November 11th 2007, the day before my 45th birthday.
My beautiful son Jesse was born on June 29th 2008. He he is now an amazing, happy and healthy 15 year old - I am truly blessed
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We all have our unique journeys
I started this support group over 7 years ago, hoping to help other women who were considering becoming a SMC. I was a 'thinker' for about 10 years before I got up the nerve to take the plunge to becoming a 'tryer
I had many doubts and fears when I was a 'thinker', considering taking the journey to motherhood on my own at 44. Plus the financial burden which is so daunting for most (they had no 'funded cycles in 2006/2007 when I was trying). But it was the best decision I ever made
I wanted to share my story to give hope to women who are on the path to being a SMC, and inspire them to get thru the tough journey
Our group brings together single women who are all going thru their own unique fertility journeys, and in sharing their journey they can help each other with information and support - this is a community
We hope you will find inspiration, hope, connection, and friendship with us
*This group meets online via zoom one evening a month
There is a monthly meeting for thinkers and tryers, and another separate meeting for pregnant and new SMC moms
Occasionally we will bring members of both groups together for special meetings to connect and share all together
Thanks for joining us!
Roberta