🌞 HIKE 'N BRUNCH

Get ready to don those sunglasses and bust out The Moderate Hiker's first hike of 2026... yessss!!! 😎

January 1st was supposed to be the first hike of 2026 but it got sidelined by Mr. Rain, Mr. Frost, and Mr. Fuck-Off-You're-Not-Hiking-This-Morning.

I was so disappointed ☹️

Then, in a cruel twist of fate, the sun came out later that day and it got gorgeous enough to hike... yes, with another group 😕

I'm sorry, I'm really not normally like that... you know, a double-crosser... but trust me when I tell you, Soldiers, it was not the same as hiking with you guys (still good to get out on the trail though... *giggle*) 😁

So, let's go 🍌🍌🍌 and bust out a bitchen hike on a trail that's got a little bit of everything - grand oak tree canopies 🌳 wildflowers 🌸 expansive views, and stunning green carpeted hillsides as a backdrop. Oh, and bubbling tar pits, which is where you'll end up if you fucking complain. Plus, birds 🐦‍⬛ bees 🐝 and critters 🐿 I mean, c'mon people, what could be better?!

Nothing, except maybe food 😁 which is why this is a hike AND brunch!
After the hike, we'll head over to El Patio for some yummy Mexican food 🌶🌮 4351 Township, Simi Valley

The hike is about 4.5 miles with an elevation gain of approximately 700 ft. cumulative, but don't hold me to that. Don't hold me to end time either. In fact, don't hold me to anything, you'll get disappointed.

Doggos are allowed on this one ONLY if you pick up and pack out their 💩 and they remain leashed 🦮

So, you in?!
Can't wait!! 💋 💋 💋

DETAILS
🔵 We leave on time. Get there early, get a name tag, get to know your fellow hikers.
🔵 Plenty of parking on Tapo Canyon but you may have to walk a lil' to the trailhead.
🔵 As already mentioned, complainers will be thrown into the tar pit.
🔵 Your hike leader is Hot Stuff, try not to stare.

👉🏻 No AI was used in the writing of this amazing event description.

👉🏻 You are responsible for yourselves, your own safety, maintaining proximity with the group, and getting back to your cars in one piece. KNOW YOUR OWN ABILITIES!

DIRECTIONS: From the 118 fwy in Simi Valley, exit Tapo Canyon and head north. Drive approx. 2.5 miles 'til you see the trailhead on your right.