A friend to all is a friend to none

THE VENUE

The weather forecast for Sunday is encouraging so let's meet outside for the first time this year. If things change, I'll update the event location so do check back before leaving home.

We meet by the river on Laundress Green, at the bottom of Mill Lane. We gather on the bridge over the weir, just opposite and through the gate from The Mill pub and close to the punting station. Or, if you arrive later, just wander across and join in.

As a consequence, there is no limit on attendee numbers. Bring a coffee or a beer and something to eat, if you wish.

Our discussions are friendly and open. No special expertise is required. But it helps if we try to stay on topic, and if we all give space to one another to speak.

THE TOPIC

This week's topic is a quote from Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics (book 9, section 10, 1171a15-16) and has been suggested by Clare (and this introduction by Duncan). This book is his best-known work on ethics: the science of the good for human life, that which is the goal or end at which all our actions aim, and is about how people should best live.

Aristotle said it is possible to be a friend to many by simply being a good person; however, one cannot have with many people the same relationship that is based in virtue and character: “We must be content if we find a few such.” Aristotle was more concerned with quality over quantity, and says we should do the same.

He categorizes friends into three categories, pleasure friends, utility friends and virtue friends.

Pleasure friends make you feel good, they make you laugh whenever you’re with them for limited periods of time. You get a hedonistic pleasure being around them.

Then we have utility friends. They’re the friends that you use in some way. You might be a friend with someone at work because you’re looking for a promotion. He’s not saying that’s bad as a goal, but there’s a goal to it. You’re not friends with them because you intrinsically like them, but because you need something from them.

Virtue friends are what he thought were your best friends. You want happiness for your virtue friends simply for their own sake, not for any pleasure or utility for you. You are in the friendship for each other’s benefit. His argument is that you need more virtue friends, but such relationships are rare, because good people are rare, and bad people do not take pleasure in each other.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicomachean_Ethics#Books_VIII_and_IX:_Friendship