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Fire of Jealousy

From: Jay
Sent on: Friday, February 1, 2013 12:35 PM

A friend nominated me to speak at the International Speaker Forum at the San Diego State University. After reviewing my bio, the program coordinator called earlier this week to 'interview' me to see how there can be a fit. She said that they only invite 'experts' on topics of 'current global issues'. So I shared my viewpoint that global stress levels are growing at an alarming rate and the consequences can be felt on several fronts including personal health, social 'toxicity' and the environment. We discussed some stats like divorce rates in the US have climbed to 50% of all marriages and girls from broken homes are 3 times more likely to become teenage mothers while their boys are twice as likely to end up in jail. Then, she said what is your 'call to action'. I said do nothing. She was quite perplexed and said "but all our speakers ask us to do something, like call your congressman, recycle more, etc". I said, "yes, my message is to take time to do nothing". At that point she sounded like this was a lost cause and asked me to submit an abstract for review by the board. I did, and to my surprise I got a response back the next day that it was accepted! Lesson learnt from this episode - Don't be shy of spreading the light, no matter how ridiculous people think you are :)

Enjoy this week's deliberation on a primal vulnerability of man!

In peace,


Someone else gets the dream job you want. Or you get the job and realize your colleague is being paid a higher salary for the same work!  Your husband is chatting all evening at a party with another woman.  You notice (with dismay!) how your school friend has lost weight and looks stunning.  The ‘Jones’s next door’ have just bought a new car!  These are just some of the thoughts that are perfect fodder to ignite the fire of jealousy and envy!  Learning to overcome the green monster of jealousy will not only leave you feeling free of these crippling negative emotions, but also full, fearless and fantastic!

Jealousy is simply a fear of losing something that is within our grasp such as the object of our love, our position etc.  Its close relative, envy, refers to wanting something that someone else has.

History is rife with stories of murder because of jealousy. Even after knowing this emotion is a killer why do we still hold onto it?  Cultural psychologists believe that jealousy is an inherent human weakness because we are heavily invested in the sense of security of our relationships and material possessions, and we are afraid of losing them.

The root cause of jealousy is ego, which takes on the form of insecurity and lack of self-respect.  As soon as we perceive a threat to our possessions, power or position, the primal instinct to defend and protect kicks in!

Then we try to justify the reaction, most likely anger, either active or passive. But that is not an effective or beneficial way to deal with the situation and get what we want.

Ralph Hupka, Professor Emeritus of Psychology, at California State University says, “Jealousy is an anticipatory emotion.  It seeks to prevent loss… jealousy causes us to take precautionary measures”.

It’s interesting that our jealousy is usually confined to those who are our peers and not at people “outside of our league” like Roger Federer or Celine Dion.  It’s only those that we think we can in some way compete with, who we perceive as a threat.  This is exactly what keeps us ‘small’ and if we stay in this limited mindset we may never connect with our true potential.

In essence, we become jealous because we feel empty and lonely. At that time we are not seeing our inner beauty and true worth.  I want what ‘they have’ because inside I feel a sense of worthlessness.

Try this the next time you need to ask for a raise or promotion at work. Ask for it with confidence and not as a beggar.  As we claim our rights to good treatment or respect from others, do it from a place of knowing that we are worthy.

Jealousy, quite simply, is a waste of thoughts and time that could have been put to better use!  Instead of lowering myself when I feel empty inside, I need to elevate my thoughts with affirmations.  Then I can appreciate, learn from and applaud others for what they have done without feeling that it’s taking away something from me.

There is a saying in many languages that ‘it is better to die than to ask’ for something.  Jealousy is a form of begging, a lack of contentment, a dissatisfaction.  It is a subtle desire for attention, name, fame, platform, position, power or anything that you think makes you complete.

It’s Time… to accept and believe that whatever is meant to come to you will come to you, if you do the right thing right now. Nothing and no one can take that away from you!

Share these thoughts! Inspired by ‘It’s Time’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London

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