OB: Original Bastard

This will be my final weekend away, and I have asked my friend and trainer, Mario del Valle, to sit in for me. Mario is the OB, Original Bastard, and I've spent many hours muttering obscenities under his unforgiving glare. I got all my best workout routines and second-worst jokes from him.

So be warned: this is not your mama's Jane Fonda workout. Expect a nonstop hour or more of stairs, hills, squats, burpees, push-ups, pliometrics, tabatas and other forms of misery. You'll be aching in places they didn't even teach you about in high school anatomy class.

You don't have to be in peak condition -- just be willing to push hard, sweat buckets and feel great when it's over. It's a beast of a workout, but you're a tough bastard.

Bring water, and a towel or yoga mat if you don't like working out on the grass. You can also bring a set of 2- to 4-pound hand weights if you want an extra challenge.
Leave the attitude at home!