American-Born Desis (ABCD) 20s & 30s – NOVA

This group is for American-born confused desis (ABCDs) in their 20s and 30s who grew up between two cultures and are still working out what that means for their lives as adults.

A lot of us were raised with high expectations and a clear script for what a good life looks like. As we get older, many of us find that the script doesn’t fit, or only partly fits, and there isn’t much guidance or support on how to navigate between the two worlds of American/Western values vs Indian culture. Talking with parents can be difficult because they're either opinionated and too involved or open-minded and too passive. And the support systems in the friends that you have can be tough to maintain over time as people move away or enter into new phases of life. The goal of the group is to have meaningful, supportive and encouraging conversations about how to navigate through all these different pillars of life.

• Parents and family. Making choices your parents don’t understand, and setting boundaries without damaging the relationship.
• Career and comparison. Building a career on your own terms when you’re always measured against cousins, peers, and family friends.
• Dating. There's no playbook or good advice for how to approach dating, meanwhile parents push their own expectations and timeline.
• Identity and belonging. Feeling not desi enough around desis and not American enough around Americans. There aren't many spaces where people can even talk about what identity is or means for them
• Mental health. Dealing with stress, anxiety, or depression in a culture where therapy and emotional struggles often aren’t talked about or are quickly dismissed
• Values and purpose. Figuring out what you actually believe makes a good life for you, separate from what you were raised to want.
• Marriage. Working through real problems in a healthy, sustainable way when family tells you to compromise or adjust because other people have it worse.
• Faith. Figuring out your relationship with the religion you were raised in, and talking about it with family.
• Obligations to parents. Expectations about living nearby, supporting them later in life, and the guilt of choosing differently than your parents did.

If you’ve dealt with any of this and want to talk about it honestly with people who understand the background, this group is for you. This is a brand new group so events are TBD but the goal is to facilitate regular (hopefully weekly) meetups to have meaningful, non-judgmental conversations with a group of high-character, authentic, ego-less, and trustworthy desis.