Saturday at the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium

Summary

Our own Columbus Zoo and Aquarium is one of the ten best zoos in the United States. And May is the best month of the year to visit: All of the exhibits and areas of the zoo will be open, and the weather will be about as good as it's likely to be until Fall.

Here is a map of the Zoo.

Where We'll Meet

We will meet at the main fountain, just inside the main gate. The fountain is just to the right (as you enter) of the main gift shop at the Zoo. You'll see a big globe over the fountain.

What We'll Do

Okay, folks, the Zoo is huge. Gargantuan. Enormous. It's one of the five largest zoos in the U.S. by acreage. Unless you're just running through it and not paying particularly close attention to anything, you can't possibly see everything in a single visit. So we won't try.

However, there's one thing I think we must do, and several things I think we really ought to do. I'll get to them now as I list the areas of the Zoo in alphabetical order, as well as roughly where they are on the map:

• Adventure Cove (south central)

This area is mostly rides, although they do have a few animal exhibits too. Sometimes I like to walk around here and just people-watch, but this isn't really one of my favorite areas of the Zoo. The seals and sea lions exhibit, however, is really super cool.

• Asia Quest (north central)

This is where the tigers and elephants are. The elephants are very popular and they have a large habitat. The tigers can be elusive, and we might not get to see them, although I do know where one of them likes to sleep. One of the Zoo's three aviaries is also here, and it's always cool walking through them amongst the birds. We should see all these if we can.

• Australia & Islands (west)

There's a walkabout here where you can walk amongst the kangaroos. The 'roos are lazy 😂 and mostly just lie around and ignore you while you walk by, but we should still do this. The koalas are stupid cute. The second of the Zoo's three aviaries is also here. The orangutans are here; they have a fantastic habitat, and we really should see this. Orangutans are humans' third closest living relative.

• Congo Expedition (west)

This is where the gorillas and the bonobos are. Gorillas are humans' second closest living relative, and their exhibit is ridiculously popular. The bonobo exhibit is new; it just opened last summer. It's a huge, beautiful exhibit, and it very well may be the best such one in the United States. Bonobos (tied with chimps, of which the Columbus Zoo has none) are our closest living relative. If we don't see these, we're nuts.

• Heart of Africa (east)

This is the most popular area of the zoo for a reason. The verisimilitude is off the charts. Here you will find the lions, giraffes, zebras, and cheetahs! If I didn't show you the cheetah run and you'd never seen it before, you'd hate me once you found out you'd missed it. The cheetah run is insanely, stupidly, ridiculously popular, and it only lasts five minutes. They'll go at noon and 2, but we should shoot for noon. However, we will have to get there at, like, 11:30 to get a good viewing spot. This area will fill up very fast, but you must see the cheetahs!

There's an "airplane" here with a button in the cockpit that kids can push to make the engine "start" but I swear I've never done it because that would be inappropriate.

• North America (central)

No lie, I once saw a cougar (puma) try to eat a three-year-old here once. 😂 The cougar was behind its glass, maybe three feet from me. It saw this little kid like 50 feet away, and its look immediately changed. That cougar wanted to charge and eat that kid so bad! 😂 The third of the Zoo's three aviaries is also here, as is the Canadian lynx, which I swear is the hardest animal at the Zoo to actually catch a glimpse of. They've been doing major construction in this area, though, so I don't know for sure what will or won't be available for viewing.

• Polar Frontier (east central)

Polar bears... 🥰

• Shores & Aquarium (west)

The Zoo's aquarium is small but severely underrated. It's going to be packed during this meetup since it's a weekend, but if you get a chance, go here during the week and just sit and look at the fish (there's a small great white shark here too! 😬😂). You'll have the place to yourself and you'll practically fall asleep from relaxation.

Next door to the aquarium is the rehabilitation tank. Here you will find Buddy the sea turtle with the badly injured flipper (Buddy's a she, by the way), and Stubby the manatee, who was struck by a boat's propeller. I always look for Buddy and Stubby when I go here, and it always makes me cry.

Food & Drink

Food at the Zoo is kinda average and moderately (though not severely) overpriced. For "real" food, your best bets are the Congo River Market (which has indoor air-conditioned and outdoor seating), Wild Burger (which has only outdoor seating), and Mapori Restaurant (indoor seating, but open and not air-conditioned).

Mapori overlooks the Heart of Africa "savannah" and has the best verisimilitude of any of the Zoo's restaurants. They also have a pretty good beef brisket, but no burgers or pizza. Congo River Market has pizza and burgers with standard fries. Wild Burger has hot dogs and burgers with waffle-cut fries, and you can feed the ducks although you're not supposed to and I swear I've never done it.

There's a somewhat overpriced coffee shop just inside the Zoo's entrance, and there are places all over the Zoo to get alcohol. The Zoo also has bathrooms and water fountains everywhere.

What it Costs

It's $26 to get in and $10 to park. If you're a Zoo member (I am), both of these are free. The membership pays for itself if you go at least twice a year. The Columbus Library also has a limited number of "Culture Passes" you can get that allow you to get in for free, but these are often in high demand and difficult to snag. I've never tried to get one and can't tell you much beyond that. I'd get a membership if you think you'll go even twice in a 12-month period.

Parking

The parking lot is immense and not as far from the entrance as you might think. It's divided into "red" and "blue" lots. They're equidistant from the entrance, but the blue lot will get all the Zoombezi Bay folks, so I usually park in the red lot. I also think it's slightly easier to get out of the park from the red lot, but the differences are really pretty small.

Timing

I've set the end time to 3 p.m., but this is kinda arbitrary. Obviously you can leave whenever you want or need to. If you can't make it until late, I can come find you if necessary. And I can easily spend 9 hours at the Zoo and enjoy it (this day is the first of 2025 that they're open until 6). So try not to take the start and end times like they're carved in stone.

Peroration

I love the Columbus Zoo. No matter how often you go, you always see something different. It's never the same zoo twice. Yes, the food is nothing to write home about (although damn I love that beef brisket), but it's also not terrible and you're at the Zoo! The coffee's good but not great but you're at the Zoo! And Auntie Anne's Pretzels?? Okay, I don't eat that stuff. 😂

If you come to this meetup, you will get lots of fresh air and you will definitely get your steps in. And the bonobos! And the petting zoo! And the cheetahs!

See you then! 😄