Men’s Circle Apr - Imperfectionism with Meditations for Mortals

Many of us were taught — directly or indirectly — that our value comes from being capable, dependable, and in control.

We’re expected to provide, to perform, to have answers, and to keep things moving forward. Falling behind, needing help, or not knowing what to do can quietly feel like failure and "unmanly"

In this men’s circle, we’ll explore Imperfectionism as a different way of relating to ourselves and our lives. Drawing on Oliver Burkeman’s Meditations for Mortals (Link here, also available on Spotify Premium for free), we’ll look at the cost of always trying to “handle it,” optimize everything, or delay life until we’re more prepared, more successful, or more put-together.

This session isn’t about lowering standards or losing ambition. It’s about learning how to work with our limits instead of treating them as personal flaws — and discovering how much pressure can drop when we stop measuring our worth by constant productivity or control.

Expect honest conversation, practical reflection, and a space where you don’t have to prove anything.

The book is a short easy read summarizing a lot of Burkeman's key points from his other works. it's broken down to 28 chapters (with the idea of reading one each for 4 weeks). If you don't manage to read the book, take a look at the headings and answer the questions below so you come primed:

Week 1 — Being Finite

1. Day 1. It’s worse than you think — On the liberation of defeat
2. Day 2. Kayaks and superyachts — On actually doing things
3. Day 3. You need only face the consequences — On Paying the Price
4. Day 4. Against productivity debt — On the power of a ‘done list’
5. Day 5. Too much information — On the art of reading and not reading
6. Day 6. You can’t care about everything — Staying sane when the world’s a mess
7. Day 7. Let the future be the future — On crossing bridges when you come to them

Week 2 — Taking Action

1. Day 8. Decision‑hunting — Choosing a path through the woods
2. Day 9. Finish things — On the magic of completion
3. Day 10. Look for the life task — On what reality wants
4. Day 11. Just go to the shed — Befriending what you fear
5. Day 12. Rules that serve life — Doing things daily-ish
6. Day 13. Three hours — Finding focus in the chaos
7. Day 14. Develop a taste for problems — On never reaching a trouble‑free phase

Week 3 — Letting Go

1. Day 15. What if this were easy? — On the false allure of effort
2. Day 16. The reverse golden rule — Not being your own worst enemy
3. Day 17. Don’t stand in generosity’s way — On the futility of “becoming a better person”
4. Day 18. Allow other people their problems — Minding your own business
5. Day 19. A good time or a good story — On the upsides of unpredictability
6. Day 20. Set a quantity goal — On firing your inner quality controller
7. Day 21. What’s an interruption, anyway? — On the importance of staying distractible

Week 4 — Showing Up

1. Day 22. Stop being so kind to Future You — Entering time and space completely
2. Day 23. How to start from sanity — On paying yourself first
3. Day 24. Scruffy hospitality — Finding connection in the flaws
4. Day 25. You can’t hoard life — Letting moments pass
5. Day 26. Inconceivable — On the solace of doubt
6. Day 27. C’est fait par du monde — On giving it a shot
7. Day 28. What matters — Finding your way

Some questions to ponder:

1. Where do I feel pressure to have it together? At work, in my family, in relationships, or financially — where do I believe I should be more capable than I currently am?
2. What am I avoiding because I can’t do it well yet? What would it look like to show up clumsily, uncertain, or incomplete instead?
3. How do I respond when I hit my limits? Do I push harder, numb out, get irritable, withdraw, or quietly feel ashamed?
4. What part of my life am I trying to perfect before I let myself enjoy it? What am I postponing until things feel more “under control”?
5. If I accepted that I can’t do everything, what would I choose to do on purpose? What deserves my energy even if I can’t do it perfectly?

Come as you are. Do what you can. Leave the rest.

Looking forward to a fruitful conversation!
Mayar

----- Generic Meetup Description Follows ----

Join us for a friendly gathering of men (all ages welcome) where we’ll have an open discussion on anything and everything related to the experiences and challenges we as men face in the modern age.

The topics of discussion will vary from meeting to meeting, covering a wide range that could include work and money, relationships and intimacy, parenthood and family, loss and grief, travel and relocation, fitness and health, etc. The format is flexible and we may also leverage articles or excerpts from books in the area to guide the discussion.

Please note that this isn’t meant to be therapy or coaching.

We’ll provide a safe and confidential space and require the same from all our attendees. If you’re not the type to enjoy deeper discussion, this group is probably not the right one for you. The group will be kept on the smaller side to foster an intimate setting and allow everyone enough time to share.

This group is for men only. We understand women also face many of these challenges and we encourage you to join one of the many women’s-only meet-ups available in Montreal. This group will be held in English.

There is a small fee for in-person events to cover the space costs, online events will be free.

PLEASE NOTE: This group strives to create a safe and respectful space for open dialogue that aims to heal rather than exacerbate the divisions in society. While we agree that a lot of men are struggling in the modern world, we do not condone much of the unsavoury takes found in "the manosphere". However, we do extend a warm invite to men who may have been drawn to certain ideologies but are eager to transcend them. So if you're seeking to move beyond divisive perspectives and instead choose to focus on personal growth and positive transformation to become a well-rounded active member of society (including as a partner and father, if you choose), this group is for you!