The Way of the Superior Man — Part 1

What does it mean to become a man who is grounded in purpose, open in heart, and fully responsible for the life he is creating?

For this men's circle series, we'll dive into David Deida's The Way of the Superior Man — a provocative and often polarizing exploration of masculinity, purpose, relationships, sexuality, intimacy, and personal growth.
Rather than treating this as a traditional book club, we'll use Deida's ideas as a starting point for honest conversations about our own lives.

We won't necessarily agree with everything he says — the goal is to challenge our assumptions, learn from each other, and explore what these ideas mean in practice.

Meeting 1: A Man's Way - Purpose, Truth and the Open Heart

Chapters 1–7

• Stop hoping for a completion of anything in life
• Live with an open heart even if it hurts
• Live as if your father were dead
• Know your edge and don't fake it
• Always hold to your deepest realization
• Never change your mind just to please a woman
• Your purpose must come before your relationship

Before the Meeting

Take some time to reflect on these questions. You don't need polished answers — honest ones are more valuable.
Purpose

• If money, status, and other people's expectations weren't factors, what would I want to devote my life to?
• Do I currently have a sense of purpose? If so, am I actually living according to it?
• What have I been telling myself I'll do "someday"?
• What am I postponing until life becomes easier?

Authenticity

• Where in my life am I being genuinely myself?
• Where am I performing a version of myself that I think others will approve of?
• When was the last time I changed my position or behavior primarily to avoid disappointing someone?

The open heart

• When life hurts, what do I tend to do — open up, withdraw, distract myself, become angry, become productive?
• What would it look like to stay open without becoming passive or allowing myself to be mistreated?

Your edge

• Where am I playing it safe?
• Where am I pushing myself too hard because I need to prove something?
• What would "leaning just beyond my edge" look like in my life right now?

Discussion Points

1. Is there really such a thing as "having it all figured out"?
Deida challenges the idea that we eventually reach a point where life becomes easy and we can finally relax.

• What are we waiting for before we allow ourselves to fully live?
• Does the pursuit of "stability" sometimes become an excuse?
• Can you pursue ambition while still accepting the present?

2. What does it mean to live with an open heart?
Is vulnerability strength, weakness, or both?

• How do men learn to protect themselves emotionally?
• When does emotional protection become emotional isolation?
• Can you remain open while maintaining boundaries?

3. Who are you when you're not trying to please anyone?
Discuss the tension between authenticity and being considerate of others.

• When is compromise healthy?
• When does compromise become self-abandonment?
• How do we know whether we're acting from conviction or seeking approval?

4. What is your "edge"?
Explore the difference between genuine growth and performative self-improvement.

• Where are you avoiding discomfort?
• Where are you overextending yourself?
• What would a healthy challenge look like?

5. Purpose vs. relationship
Deida makes a deliberately provocative claim: your purpose should come before your relationship.

• Do you agree?
• What happens when your partner's needs and your purpose conflict?
• Can a relationship become a substitute for purpose?
• How do you maintain individuality while building a life together?

Closing Question

If you stopped waiting for the "right time," what would you start doing now?
Come prepared to share one area of your life where you know you're capable of more — and one thing that might be holding you back.

The goal isn't to agree with Deida. It's to use his ideas as a mirror.

Looking forward to a fruitful conversation!
Mayar

----- Generic Meetup Description Follows ----

Join us for a friendly gathering of men (all ages welcome) where we’ll have an open discussion on anything and everything related to the experiences and challenges we as men face in the modern age.

The topics of discussion will vary from meeting to meeting, covering a wide range that could include work and money, relationships and intimacy, parenthood and family, loss and grief, travel and relocation, fitness and health, etc. The format is flexible and we may also leverage articles or excerpts from books in the area to guide the discussion.

Please note that this isn’t meant to be therapy or coaching.

We’ll provide a safe and confidential space and require the same from all our attendees. If you’re not the type to enjoy deeper discussion, this group is probably not the right one for you. The group will be kept on the smaller side to foster an intimate setting and allow everyone enough time to share.

This group is for men only. We understand women also face many of these challenges and we encourage you to join one of the many women’s-only meet-ups available in Montreal. This group will be held in English.

There is a small fee for in-person events to cover the space costs, online events will be free.

PLEASE NOTE: This group strives to create a safe and respectful space for open dialogue that aims to heal rather than exacerbate the divisions in society. While we agree that a lot of men are struggling in the modern world, we do not condone much of the unsavoury takes found in "the manosphere". However, we do extend a warm invite to men who may have been drawn to certain ideologies but are eager to transcend them. So if you're seeking to move beyond divisive perspectives and instead choose to focus on personal growth and positive transformation to become a well-rounded active member of society (including as a partner and father, if you choose), this group is for you!