What we’re about
Greetings! I just turned 65 and am thinking about next steps. I have no partner, parents, nor children. Savoring this moment and planning for the future are both up to me.
What I most miss about having a partner is synergy. I miss 1 + 1 > 2. I treasured co-thinking, co-creating, co-planning, co-problem-solving, co-sharing, and co-wonder at how things unfold. I so miss hearing the on-going story of how another person makes sense of life. I miss the + in the equation. I treasured a sense of belonging.
Of particular interest to me is small-scale, shared housing with older women. In my small house near the university’s campus, I have provided homestays for international scholars. Independence and collaboration exist in synergy.
I am imagining that model might work for synergistically-abled - physically and psychologically - older adults in one house. For example, I can shovel snow and write documents. I don’t enjoy driving but have a woman friend who cheerfully transports people to medical appointments, even the early ones! I have another woman friend who - without shaming the person who struggles - quickly and skillfully assembles large things from small boxes, from cat trees to pool tables. We play to our strengths and enrich each other’s lives.
To begin, perhaps forming a conscious, intentional system of women who volunteer to collaborate in specific ways could be helpful. “Call Betty with cooking questions, call Belle if you received a bill you don’t understand, call Beatrice if you’re crying in the checkout line and don’t know why, “ for example. Even just knowing that someone is open to a phone call for a “May I run this by you?” could be both comforting and strengthening.
If you live in the Blacksburg, Virginia area and are a person over 60 who identifies as female, are without a partner, or have a partner who can no longer serve as one, let’s meet and talk about creating synergy.
For context, I first learned of older women living together in 2013 from AARP:
https://www.aarp.org/home-family/your-home/info-05-2013/older-women-roommates-house-sharing.html
I saw this in Money in 2019:
https://money.com/these-real-life-golden-girls-moved-in-together-in-their-60s-heres-how-they-make-it-work/
And here are comprehensive explanations of shared housing from 2023:
https://blog.massmutual.com/retiring-investing/senior-living-and-the-cohabitation-option
https://primewomen.com/relationships/family/senior-cohousing/
A roommate-finding organization for older women has been founded in Canada:
https://swlt.ca/
And this article spoke to me, particularly the author's point about "building community from scratch" and her hope in the "potential for new kinds of meaningful, lasting communities to be created in the coming years."
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/28/opinion/religion-affiliation-community.html?unlocked_article_code=1.PU0.0ZRr.iqcCjYuPQuhV&smid=url-share
Image generated 3//17/2024 using DALL·E 2
