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Swiped Out: Why Modern Dating Has Failed

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Khaldoun S.
Swiped Out: Why Modern Dating Has Failed

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### đź’” Swiping, Ghosting & the Illusion of Connection

Why Modern Dating is Failing the Smart, the Beautiful, and the Serious
An Evening of Wine, Wit, and Philosophical Reckoning

***

You’ve built a life. A career. A curated identity of competence and independence. Perhaps even a passport full of stamps and a bookshelf full of insight.
And yet—one question still echoes in the silence between texts:
Why is it so hard to love, and be loved, in our modern world?
This isn’t therapy.
It’s not a dating detox.
It’s not even a how-to.
It’s a Socratic salon on the disorienting world of modern romance.

***

### 📊 The Data Speaks:

  • 62% of singles say dating is harder now than ever before.
  • 70% report burnout from dating apps.
    (Match.com’s Singles in America Study, 2021)
  • Tinder’s top 20% of men receive nearly 80% of all likes, creating a deeply skewed attention economy.
    (Source: “Tinder Experiments,” Medium)
  • In 2023, 64,000+ romance scam reports were filed in the U.S., totaling over $1.1 billion in losses.
    (FTC)
  • Women, though often flooded with messages, face disproportionate emotional strain, harassment, and a paradox of choice that leads to paralysis rather than connection.
    (Pew Research, OkCupid Reports)

***

### 🧠 What We’ll Explore:

Modern dating has become a marketplace—full of frictionless access and endless disappointment. But beneath the code and chemistry lies something deeper: a philosophical crisis of love.
We’ll engage with:

  • Kierkegaard, who warned that the aesthetic pursuit of pleasure without commitment leads to despair.
  • Simone de Beauvoir, who challenged the reduction of women to roles, yet feared the loneliness of detachment from meaningful otherness.
  • Alain de Botton, who argues that marriage is not the culmination of love, but its training ground—and that our search for the “right person” is a modern delusion.

> “The real work of love begins when we realize we are all deeply flawed, and yet still choose to stay.” – de Botton

We’ll also ask:

  • What does the rise of “situationships” say about our fear of commitment?
  • Is the swipe-left economy teaching us to filter humans like products?
  • Have we mistaken freedom for fulfillment?
  • Can we rediscover love not as instant gratification, but as virtuous labor?

***

### 📚 Required Reading & Watching for the Brave:

📝 “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person” – Alain de Botton, New York Times
A candid essay that explores the modern confusion between emotional excitement and real love.
Required reading: Why You will Marry the Wrong Person. https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person-20160707-gq0k55.html
Required Watching: How Romanticism Ruined Love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jltM5qYn25w&pp=ygUYcm9tYW50aWNpc20gc2Nob29sb2ZsaWZl

Come curious. Leave empowered.

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