Oasis Discussion Group: Overcoming Our Internal Critic

Salt Lake Oasis discussion group is like a book club, but focused on short content - such as podcasts, TED Talks, or online articles.

Wednesday Discussion Group Topic:
“Overcoming Our Internal Critic:
Practice Real Self-Compassion NOW”

Discussion Materials & Links:
The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen:

• It is mathematically impossible for everyone to be above average, the pursuit of self-esteem forces us to subconsciously tear others down, inflate our own egos, or ignore our flaws just to feel okay. It creates narcissism and disconnection. Self-compassion does not require you to be special or better than anyone else. It is not an evaluation of your worth; it is a way of relating to yourself.
• The most powerful component of self-compassion is recognizing Common Humanity. It is the mechanical cognitive shift from "I am failing" to "Everyone fails. This is what it feels like to be a human being." Suffering is not an anomaly; it is the shared human condition.
• The answer isn’t “It’s fine, who cares?” Rather, "Because I care about myself, I need to figure out what went wrong and fix it." A system driven by care creates far more sustainable momentum than a system driven by punishment.

More resources:
Shauna Shapiro: The Power of Mindfulness: What You Practice Grows Stronger (Video)

• "Kind attention" is not just a nice idea; it is a mechanical requirement for creating new neural pathways. You literally cannot learn a new, healthier behavior while flooding your brain with the cortisol of self-judgment.

“How to Train Your Inner Critic” Article by Britt Frank, MSW

• Inner harshness is trying to protect you (If a parent, teacher, or coach used harsh criticism as a motivator, your brain might have decided, If I yell at myself first, the lizard brain rationale is it will hurt less when someone else does it.). Also, it catastrophizes to GET YOUR ATTENTION.
• Self-compassion isn’t about coddling yourself. It’s about listening to your internal experience without judgment—and that includes your critical parts

Discussion Questions:

1. What struggles do you carry that you secretly think other people don't experience?
2. When my inner critic speaks, “What might this voice be afraid would happen if it didn’t speak up right now? What is your goal or need?”
3. In the pattern of your life, what do you need “protection from” the most? Why? (That’s what your inner voice is trying to do!!)
4. How often–really–do you apply: "If my best friend came to me with this exact failure, in this exact emotional state, what tone of voice would I use, and what words would I say?" Why is it often easier to extend compassion to others than to ourselves? What standards do you hold yourself to that you would never impose on someone you love?
5. How would your relationships change if you no longer needed to prove your worth?
6. If attention is like water, what are you watering every day? What are you still trying to earn that may never have needed to be earned in the first place?
7. If you fully accepted that imperfection is the admission price to being human, what burden would you finally put down?

There are so many amazing resources for this topic! Feel free to add ones you find and like in the comments of this event or join our Oasis Network Discord & the Salt Lake City chapter channels to share (Discord Invite). Also, you're welcome to join even if you don't listen to any of the materials, we always have great conversations with diverse opinions!

Note the library location changes.
This month you'll find us in the main large meeting room at the Whitmore Library.

2197 Fort Union Blvd, Cottonwood Heights, UT 84121

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