Arthur Aron's Research on Romantic Love

Arthur Aron is a professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, researcher of close relationships and intimacy, and author/co-author/editor of many books including The Expansion of Self: Understanding Attraction and Satisfaction and Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy. He is perhaps best known for his development (along with his wife, Elaine Aron) of the “self-expansion model of love.” This model posits that people have an inherent desire to expand their own self-concept by incorporating elements from their partners (i.e., by adopting some of their partners’ traits, interests, and skills). Love acts as a catalyst for self-expansion by offering new experiences and perspectives that broaden our own identity. This mutual exchange of attributes and experiences fosters a sense of unity and interdependence that is crucial for personal and relationship growth.

Other notable work by Aron and his colleagues was the development of a series of 36 questions designed to facilitate closeness between individuals (this work was featured in the 2018 film 36 Questions). The questions were crafted to progress from superficial inquiries to more profound and personal topics, allowing participants to gradually build intimacy. Research has shown that engaging with these questions can lead to increased feelings of closeness and affection.

A more recent focus of Aron’s research has been on the dynamics of long-term relationships. While the initial stages of love are often characterized by passion and excitement, Aron argues that sustaining that love over the long term requires intentional effort. Aron’s research suggests several key factors that advance a couple’s relationship throughout the years, including prioritizing the relationship; addressing conflicts; appreciating each other’s strengths and contributions; and navigating challenges collaboratively.

In the next meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, May 31, 2025 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will explore Aron’s research and discuss its practical application to relationships at various stages of evolution. Beyond his major scientific findings, we will discuss other data indicating that couples who maintain close friendships with other couples tend to experience greater satisfaction in their relationships; that couples who navigate familial (family-of-origin) expectations and conflicts together, often through the establishment of clear boundaries, tend to develop a stronger bond; and that couples who manage significant life transitions (having children, changing careers, etc.) with a sense of teamwork and adaptability are more likely to thrive. We will also look at Aron’s 36 questions tool, which any couple can use to increase their understanding of, and appreciation for, one another.

*Registration Directions: If you would like to attend the next meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on May 31, 2025 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), please RSVP to me at 949-338-4388 or [jt@jamestobinphd.com](mailto:jt@jamestobinphd.com) no later than Thursday, May 29, 2025. The seminar will be held at 15615 Alton Parkway, Suite 450, in Irvine, CA. The fee is $30.00 and informed consent for participation must be completed prior to the seminar. Please note that the Relationship Group Seminar is psychoeducational in nature, not therapeutic, and does not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.