Tired of not having friends!

Some things are treasures * Some things are trash
*READ THE ENTIRE DESCRIPTION BEFORE SIGNING UP FOR THIS EVENT*

And some things make you stand silently in the middle of a thrift store wondering:
“Why does this exist?”

For this event, we’re turning an ordinary thrift-store trip into a completely unnecessary competition.
We’ll divide into small teams, hand out a list of ridiculous scavenger-hunt categories, and spend about an hour roaming the store in search of the strangest, funniest, most inexplicable, oddly beautiful, mildly haunted, and aggressively unnecessary objects we can find.

You do NOT have to buy anything. Photos are our evidence.

Possible missions may include finding (subject to change):

• The object most likely to be cursed
• Something that definitely has a backstory
• The worst possible gift for someone you barely know
• An object whose designer owes society an explanation
• Something that would be deeply concerning to discover in your date’s apartment
• The ugliest lamp
• A painting that knows something
• Something a divorced magician would own
• An item that screams, “This seemed like a good idea at the time”
• The greatest thing in the entire store that you would actually consider taking home
• Something that perfectly represents “Everything is fine”
• An object most likely to have witnessed a crime
• Something that absolutely belongs to a man named Randy
• And whatever else I decide to inflict upon you that evening

Also, every team gets one Wild Card: something that fits absolutely none of the categories but is simply too extraordinary not to share.

### Then come the awards.

After the hunt, we’ll regroup (see below), review our finest discoveries, plead our cases, question humanity, and vote on honors such as:
🏆 Most Haunted
🏆 Most Unnecessary
🏆 Best Interpretation
🏆 “There Is Absolutely a Story Here”
🏆 Object We Secretly Wanted
🏆 Wild Card of the Night
🏆 Find of the Night
🏆 Grand Thrift Store Champions

### The evening

First 15 minutes: Arrive, meet everyone, form teams, receive your missions.
Next 45-ish minutes: The hunt.
Next 10 minutes: Teams choose their greatest discoveries.
Final hour or so: Awards, arguments, storytelling, and the crowning of our champions at Sardella's Pizza (8278 W Lake Pleasant Pkwy, Peoria, AZ 85382) in the same parking lot as Goodwill. Let's share some pizza or wings and the photographs of our questionable finds.

### What to bring

Bring your phone for photos and comfortable shoes for wandering around.
Buying something is completely optional. This event is meant to be low-pressure and easy to join even if you don’t know anyone yet.
You do not need to be funny.
The thrift store will provide the material.

### A couple of rules so we remain welcome in public

Please don’t photograph customers or employees without permission, block aisles, climb on furniture, damage merchandise, or otherwise make the staff regret our existence.
We are here to gently mock objects, not people.
Other than that…

Go forth and find something that requires an explanation.

NOTE: Details, such as the objective and specific categories / awards, may change slightly between now and the day of the event. The location will not and the date will not - provided we have enough scavengers.

Read ALL details before electing to attend
Location will at my house in Sun City / Peoria area (approximately 117th Ave and Happy Valley Rd)

Some moments are simply too insignificant to be left undocumented:

The empty ice tray. The French fry lost beneath the car seat. The fitted sheet that refuses to cooperate. The crushing realization that you walked into a room and no longer know why.

At Bad Poetry for Worse Occasions, we will give these minor inconveniences the sweeping emotional tributes they absolutely do not deserve.

Each attendee will receive absurdly ordinary situations and a little time to transform them into tragic ballads, passionate odes, dramatic monologues, questionable haikus, or whatever else emerges. We will then perform our masterpieces with wildly unnecessary emotional commitment.

No poetry experience is needed. In fact, poetry experience may be a disadvantage.

Possible subjects include:

• Discovering that someone finished the coffee
• Waiting for a software update
• Dropping food immediately after cleaning the floor
• Losing the good parking space
• Receiving a text that only says “K”
• Finding one wet sock
• Forgetting your password after creating it yesterday

You will never be required to perform alone. You may read your own poem, recruit someone else to perform it, read it with a partner, or have it presented anonymously by our host. We will conclude with an extremely prestigious awards ceremony honoring achievements such as Most Unnecessary Drama, Best Use of the Word “Alas,” and Poem Most Likely to Concern the Neighbors.

Bring nothing except a sense of humor and a willingness to treat a very small problem like the collapse of civilization.

Feel free to bring a beverage of choice or snacks to share, if desired (Not required).

Attendance is limited to eight people so everyone has room to write, participate, and receive the recognition their terrible poetry deserves.

• Canaan