What we’re about
If you know that attachment injury has affected your life I am glad you found us! I respect where you are. If you are merely curious, I ask that you do not request to join; respect the authenticity of this space by using Google or YouTube instead. This is a fit for some. This will be a small, intimate group. This is not a public service; my interests in this group are personal. This will not be the typical, perfunctory group where you pop in for something to do then disappear and people can forget your name and do not Know You. You (not your public mask) will have to show up here and do the work. If that resonates with you, I look forward to you being an active and authentic member of this secure friend circle. Please read the description and expectations below, be sure to take a look at the discussion board, and calendar of events.
Wired for Friendship is based on the science of Attachment Theory and attachment injury. The group name is a take on the books and work of Stan Tatkin. Attachment theory explores how unmet childhood needs (attachment injury) or, alternatively, how sufficiently met childhood needs affect how we relate in platonic and romantic relationships. The theory suggests those with unmet or inconsistently met childhood emotional needs have a tendency to attach to others in an (insecure) avoidant, anxious or ambivalent style. While those whose emotional needs were consistently met in childhood tend to attach in a more secure manner.
In moments of distress, those with insecure attachment styles tend to cling (anxious) or tend to push people away (avoidant) or tend to send mixed messages about the value of their relationships (ambivalent). It is not a matter of better or worse...it is a matter of what happened, what still is, and the extent to which that is satisfying to you and your current relationships.
This platonic friend group is designed to provide a safe, fun, emotionally satisfying set of authentic friends where corrective experiences and practice of secure relating can take place in real time. To be clear this is not a dating group. Though we will discuss platonic and romantic relationships. To maintain a safe space and not reinforce trauma-related patterns of seeking out emotional connection at all costs, dating group members is discouraged. This is also not a therapy or support group in the formal sense. Rather, it is a collective of everyday folks with whom the science and message of attachment injury resonates and is applicable in their daily lives. This is not a net working [sic] group; you will be dismissed. If you are looking for mental health net working [sic] groups find that opportunity elsewhere and where it is more appropriate. This is not that place.
I invite you to better understand attachment theory and attachment injury to know if you will both benefit from and contribute to the healing-oriented culture of this friend group. The focus is on learning about ourselves, understanding relationship partners, practicing learned skills, and creating the life we want rather than ruminating about disappointments or repeating self-defeating patterns. You'll need secure and reliable friends on that journey. We will have game nights, happy hours, opportunities for plus one requests, and other related social outings. We'll see you soon.
*The emotion wheel is from the work of Robert Plutchik