This group is for singles and/or those in committed relationships who would like to achieve a greater capacity for emotional and physical intimacy. In my nearly 10 years of professional practice as a clinical psychologist, I have worked with hundreds of persons with various types of relationship difficulties, most of whom were highly successful in other arenas of their lives. What I have commonly found is that people approach romantic relationships in ways not of their own choosing, but in a style of what relationships have always been for them since early childhood. They are "programmed" to act and think in well-patterned (unconscious) ways that have never really been challenged or even thought about -- often at the expense of one failed relationship after another. In my clinical practice, it has also become clear to me that two persons in a relationship are not typically feeling and behaving freely with regard to each other; on the contrary, each person is "inducing" the other, to one degree or another, to act in certain ways to fulfill some need or wish of the other. Induction can occur on a first date as well as after 15 years of marriage. These inductions crystallize a form of relatedness between two people and establish a certain culture in the relationship, but one that is often highly rigid and constricting. But for true intimacy to occur, and for us to create the conditions necessary to attain what we want, we must acknowledge these and other unconscious dynamics and work to dis-embed ourselves from them. This is an ongoing continuous challenge throughout life that is at the core of one's overall psychological health. The large amount of tips, books, etc. available to people today on dating and relationships is staggering, and often in my opinion filled with fad approaches and "one size fits all" recommendations. My approach, in contrast, helps people to identify the unique relationship architecture they have used to organize and conduct their lives, often for many years, and work to make the revisions necessary for new ways of being that will promote a greater acceptance of reality and greater control over the fate of their relationships. In this group, I will explore the following issues: ~why attachment isn't erotic ~the "nice" person and the pitfalls of accommodation ~dependence, counter-dependence, and independence ~the dating "sequence" ~patterns of self-sabotage ~induction, role responsiveness, and freedom ~self-imposed suffering ~the "new erotic" Disclaimer: Please note that this group and its contents are informational and didactic in nature. In no way is the group directed toward or constitutes the provision of psychotherapy. Participants who would like to have their personal issues addressed in greater detail are encouraged to consult with Dr. Tobin for a referral to a licensed mental health clinician.

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