This group is for singles and/or those in committed relationships who would like to achieve a greater capacity for emotional and physical intimacy. In my nearly 10 years of professional practice as a clinical psychologist, I have worked with hundreds of persons with various types of relationship difficulties, most of whom were highly successful in other arenas of their lives. What I have commonly found is that people approach romantic relationships in ways not of their own choosing, but in a style of what relationships have always been for them since early childhood. They are "programmed" to act and think in well-patterned (unconscious) ways that have never really been challenged or even thought about -- often at the expense of one failed relationship after another. In my clinical practice, it has also become clear to me that two persons in a relationship are not typically feeling and behaving freely with regard to each other; on the contrary, each person is "inducing" the other, to one degree or another, to act in certain ways to fulfill some need or wish of the other. Induction can occur on a first date as well as after 15 years of marriage. These inductions crystallize a form of relatedness between two people and establish a certain culture in the relationship, but one that is often highly rigid and constricting. But for true intimacy to occur, and for us to create the conditions necessary to attain what we want, we must acknowledge these and other unconscious dynamics and work to dis-embed ourselves from them. This is an ongoing continuous challenge throughout life that is at the core of one's overall psychological health. The large amount of tips, books, etc. available to people today on dating and relationships is staggering, and often in my opinion filled with fad approaches and "one size fits all" recommendations. My approach, in contrast, helps people to identify the unique relationship architecture they have used to organize and conduct their lives, often for many years, and work to make the revisions necessary for new ways of being that will promote a greater acceptance of reality and greater control over the fate of their relationships. In this group, I will explore the following issues: ~why attachment isn't erotic ~the "nice" person and the pitfalls of accommodation ~dependence, counter-dependence, and independence ~the dating "sequence" ~patterns of self-sabotage ~induction, role responsiveness, and freedom ~self-imposed suffering ~the "new erotic" Disclaimer: Please note that this group and its contents are informational and didactic in nature. In no way is the group directed toward or constitutes the provision of psychotherapy. Participants who would like to have their personal issues addressed in greater detail are encouraged to consult with Dr. Tobin for a referral to a licensed mental health clinician.

Join us and be the first to know when new Meetups are scheduled
Log in with Facebook to find out
By creating a Meetup account, you agree to the Terms of Service

Recent Meetups

  • December 6 · 12:00 PM

    The Signal

    4 Members

    Romantic relationships center on a complex psychological and emotional negotiation in which two identities become one. This negotiation commences at the start of a... Learn more
  • November 15 · 12:00 PM

    The Work of John Gottman

    2 Members

    The work of the renowned researcher and clinician John Gottman of the University of Washington at Seattle has greatly influenced my approach to couple therapy.  His... Learn more
  • November 1 · 12:00 PM

    Overcoming Toxicity in Romantic Relationships: A Practical Framework

    5 Members | 5.00

    All romantic relationships consist of negative repetitive dynamics one or both partners unconsciously play out.  Even in new dating relationships, what people often call... Learn more
  • October 18 · 12:00 PM


    3 Members | 5.00

    To continue to develop ideas presented in previous meetings of the Dating and Relationship Group on PARASITIC LOVE™ and DIALYTIC PRESENCE ™, I will present the role of... Learn more
  • October 4 · 12:00 PM

    Dialytic Presence™: Antidote to Parasitic Love

    5 Members

    Human relatedness is characterized by small and significant experiences of trauma in which one is frustrated, shamed, neglected, or not fully responded to.  These... Learn more
  • See all past Meetups

What's new

Founded Aug 11, 2009

Help support your Meetup

Chip in

People in this
Meetup are also in:

Imagine having a community behind you

Get started Learn more

We just grab a coffee and speak French. Some people have been coming every week for months... it creates a kind of warmth to the group.

Rafaël, started French Conversation Group

Sign up

Meetup members, Log in

By clicking "Sign up" or "Sign up using Facebook", you confirm that you accept our Terms of Service & Privacy Policy