Boulder Uncomfortable Conversations

Boulder Uncomfortable Conversations offers a refreshing space for respectful dialogue and genuine connection in a world filled with digital noise and divisive echo chambers.

Each event will focus on a specific, potentially uncomfortable topic posed as a question. This question may have a simple yes or no answer, or it may be more open-ended. The chosen topic will aim to strike a balance between something engaging enough to potentially be uncomfortable, but not so intense that it sets us up for an unproductive conversation. We will prioritize topics that lean more towards values-based disagreements, rather than technical issues, to foster storytelling rather than fact-checking contests.

When discussing controversial topics, clarity of expectations is essential. By knowing what to expect and having a sense of the norms of the environment, participants can feel confident in leaning into the conversation without worrying about how they should behave. With that in mind, events will be highly structured. Each event will consist of several segments, and each segment will have unique guidance to support the activity of that part. If you don’t like one segment, you might enjoy another. Within each segment, there will also be space for organic conversation, and the facilitator will guide, not lead, the discussion. This structure allows power in the room to come from the carefully planned segments, rather than any one person or group.

Core Principles

• Seek to Understand, Not Persuade
  This is not a space for winning arguments or even seeking compromise. Your beliefs may be shared by everyone at the event, by a few, or by no one else. We may come out of a conversation realizing we agree more than we thought, or we may discover we disagree more than we realized. Sometimes we may leave with more questions than answers. This is not a debate, and there is no need to reach consensus. It’s simply a space for sharing our unvarnished beliefs to better understand what others actually believe. If you catch yourself trying to persuade someone, try reframing that instinct into a non-leading question that invites the other person to explain what led them to their belief.

• Listen with Radical Curiosity
  This space is intended for authentic perspectives, which may not always align with “politically correct” viewpoints. As such, this environment may not be for everyone, and that’s okay. Listening with radical curiosity means a willingness to hear all perspectives, even those that challenge our deepest beliefs. If something shared triggers you, voice it and use it as an opportunity to ask deeper questions to understand the speaker’s experience, not just their position. You can expect further explanation of the triggering statement, but we won’t expect people to apologize for sharing their honest beliefs. If a conversation becomes too emotionally charged, it’s okay to step out for a moment or as long as you need. This is a practice of self-care, not a sign of avoidance or weakness.

• All Beliefs and Statements Are Welcome for Discussion—Except a Few
  We value openness in dialogue, but there are a few boundaries we won’t cross. You will be asked to leave the event if you engage in:

  • Any derogatory comments directed at another participant (this is different from criticism of a group that someone may identify with).
  • Violent tone or volume directed at another participant (we can be assertive without being combative or badgering).
  • Any statements that explicitly call for physical violence.

• Tell Stories
  We’re naturally resistant to changing our minds, but storytelling is a powerful tool for opening hearts. Share your personal story and perspective, and others may be inspired to consider your point of view. Use “I” statements to speak from your own experience rather than generalizing or speaking for others. While facts can be valuable, remember that they’re often open to interpretation. Our goal in these conversations isn’t to determine what is “true” or the "right" answer, but to understand what other people think and why.

• Act with Civility, Assume Positive Intent, and Extend Grace
  Let’s engage as adults. Let's show up on time and stay for the full event. Let's understand that mistakes happen and sometimes words come out wrong, especially when emotions are running high. We are all here with good intentions to better understand one another. Let's extend grace when needed, and remain curious about what beliefs we might hold if we had been born in someone else’s shoes.

  Looking forward to having you join us for an open, honest, and meaningful conversation.