What we're about

Are you feeling STUCK in one, or multiple areas of your life?

Sick of setting goals but not meeting them?
.. of having aspirations and desires but not the balls or perseverance to reach them without giving up or getting distracted?
.. of desiring closeness but sabotaging it or pushing away?

At this Meetup with psychotherapist (MFT#45696) and Life- and Relationship Coach Meriana Dinkova we will identify whatever patterns of Self- Sabotage might be holding you back. Through lecture, sharing and experiential exercises you will learn different strategies to recognize and overcome them.

"Self Sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen."


You will open to more ease and aliveness through:
- learning to recognize self sabotaging forces/ voices/ behaviors
- gaining tools to manage them when they occur
- effectively dealing with inner conflict

Whether in the form of negative rumination, relentless judgment towards self or others, immobilizing fear or indecision, we all know forces in us that sabotage our happiness, productivity, and relationships. Some of these are more obvious, like constantly missing deadlines, overworking or overspending and being always broke or in debt. Others hide in attitudes that criticize, judge, compare and assume the worst, leading to chronic procrastination, self-doubt, guilt or depression. Some of them lurk in the voices that make us feel bad about healthy expressions of anger, or start whispering scary things in our ear whenever we say ‘no’ or set boundaries.
And at times a strong spiritual inner critic that pushes us to be more compassionate, forgiving and open-hearted (and yet makes us feel inadequate) can be an inner saboteur, in a saint’s disguise.
Get to know the forces that help or harm you and learn how to work with them in a way that supports, rather than hurts. This can save you from weeks or years of negativity, helping you achieve personal and professional health, more fulfilling relationships with others and most importantly with yourself.

These energies get experienced in a somatic way by some people and for others these energies can be felt like inner voices - easily to be confused with the voice of our aware self. We can learn how these voices impact our feelings and the way we act in the world and differentiate them from voices that actually serve us. We will practice becoming aware when grasped by those forces and gain choice of which channel we listen to.

I will present a brief roadmap of the self and show a few ways to identify different parts of the self and to determine which energies or voices are serving us and our goals and which ones are working against each other. We will also learn some basic ways of breaking the grasp of negative or immobilizing forces and shifting into more functional ones.

In some of the meetups we will go deeper into the origins and goals of these energies. We will learn to differentiate between innocuous ‘inner forces’ and the truly dysfunctional ones. With some the task might be about taming or transforming them, while with others the approach may be about learning to be with them with more ease. We will also learn techniques to shift between different self-states in order to gain a larger, more grounded frame-of-reference.
In addition to learning to discriminate will also design new ‘inner voices’ and attitudes that can step in and support us when the dysfunctional voices have become active.
Future free meetups will have a variety of topics like time management, relationship sabotage, procrastination and more.

Through lecture, guided exercises, sharing and mindful self-exploration, we will study how to get out of the way of our natural evolution and understand the specific ways we sabotage ourselves. Sometimes these ways may manifest as being self-critical to the point of immobilization while at other times it may be about being so perfectionistic that even trying seems pointless (and we procrastinate or give up).
There are many forces at work within the self and getting to know them is the first step towards happiness. Different forces become active in different environments and we will look at how these forces show up in our work and our relationships.

Meriana Dinkova is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT# 45696) in private practice in San Francisco, in oakland and over Skype/ FaceTime. She received an MA in Somatic at 2003 at the California Institute of Integral Studies and has had excessive training and experience in different psychotherapeutic and transformational modalities like Hakomi, Psychodynamic and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Re-Creation of the Self and has had some additional training in Gestalt Therapy, Expressive Arts and some movement approaches.
For more information go to:

‘I went to Meriana’s intro talk last weekend. I’m a fairly grounded and introspective person and wasn’t expecting to get much from a 2 hour intro talk. But from the moment I walked in I was engaged. The intro question alone made me reflect on things in a fresh way. By the end of the extremely interactive session, I was left with a great deal of food for thought and I feel like only a week later my mind has been opened to new ways of looking at things. I feel challenged as I wrestle with some of the questions raised within me during the talk. Somehow conversations I have in mind sound very different as I speak them out to another person, as what I thought was sound reasoning rings hollow. I feel like a more free and capable person with a few new tools. I highly recommend this workshop if you have the ability to attend.’
B. McDade, Berkeley

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