Making friends as an adult is hard. As you get older, your responsibilities grow, so the time window for your social life typically decreases as you begin to prioritize family and career goals. Even if you already have a really strong network of friends, the opportunities to engage with them are fewer. Actually meeting new people and forming strong bonds is an even bigger challenge.
This was the state of adult friendship long before the pandemic added another huge roadblock in the way of connection. In the wake of the social effects of prolonged isolation, the United States Surgeon General went so far as to refer to the “epidemic of loneliness” as a serious public health crisis in May 2023.
But at their best, Dr. Vivek Murthy believes “our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight—one that can help us live healthier, more fulfilled, and more productive lives.” David Siegel, Meetup’s CEO, responded to the Surgeon General’s warning by recognizing how ordinary people can come together and support the mission of ending loneliness.
So, despite all the factors that make adult friending difficult, it’s essential that we find a way forward. If you tend to be more introverted, there’s plenty you can do to make 2023 your most social year yet. No matter what your social orientation is, you can follow some basic tips for making friends during lonely times.
In preparation for the International Day of Friendship on Sunday, July 30, go over this guide and start living your best social life!
Making friends with the people around you
A great approach to forming new connections is to take advantage of the potential friendships that already exist in your usual environment. For example, you could read up on how to make friends at work. A couple of the main points include:
- Being an active participant in team communication channels
- Embracing opportunities to say yes to optional work-organized activities
You can also engage with an even broader swath of your immediate community—the people who live in your same neighborhood or city. Check out this Q&A with Madison Moose-Barrington from Common on sparking friendships in a new town. Some of the best advice is about simply putting yourself out there and getting involved, as well as the best practices for exchanging contact information and making follow-up plans.
You might also try Member+, Meetup’s new subscription with exclusive features including a whole suite of friendship tools, prioritized support, and an entirely ad-free experience. Member + will officially launch everywhere (meaning web and mobile platforms) on July 30, the International Day of Friendship.
When registering for events with Member+, you’ll have the ability to see “Who Will Be There,” which highlights attendees’ shared interests, as well as what each person is looking to gain from the overall experience. Those options include things like “Practice hobbies,” “Make friends,” and “Professionally network.” Innovations like these greatly increase your potential to attend events with people you’d like to meet and stay in touch with.
Making Friends By Getting Social
Nothing brings people together better than a shared interest or hobby. Plus, one of the best ways for introverted folks to make socializing an authentically enjoyable experience is to pursue activities that you would enjoy by yourself. This relieves a lot of the pressure, and allows the friendship process to become more organic. Here are just a few of the limitless possibilities you can pursue:
- Sports and fitness — If you’re up for some friendly competition, check out a sport group like NYC Outdoor Badminton that makes organizing games super easy. Other communities like Short Hiking Trails in Charleston provide a more low-key opportunity for exercise.
- Arts and culture — For anyone looking to express themselves creatively, there are groups like San Diego Figure Drawing and Painting. If you want to meet other people who appreciate the finer things in life, you can find a community like ChicagoLand Art Gallery, Museum & Music Events… Plus!
- Career and causes — There are tons of broadly professional groups out there, as well as more niche ones like New to Nashville Music Industry Networking. You can also make new contacts by devoting some of your free time to a good cause, like the hacktivists who volunteer with Code for KC.
Put in the Time to Make Friends
Once in a while, a brand new friendship blossoms overnight. But for the most part, it’s a process that requires a little effort and a little patience. Research suggests that, on average, it takes 50 hours of time together to turn an acquaintance into a friend.
If you find it challenging to get past the “getting to know you” stage and talk to new people, you can be proactive and read some of the best books on how to be a better friend. You could also listen to the Keep Connected podcast, which often features relationship experts and introvert success stories.
Another way to ensure that you’re putting your best foot forward is by filling out your member profile on the Meetup app.
Making Friends as An Adult is Worth the Effort
Despite the sustained effort it takes, having adult friendships is well worth your attention. A decades-long Harvard study on wellbeing showed a direct link between the strength of one’s social circle and their overall physical health and mental health in later years. Do it for your future: find an event and form more adult friendships today!
James Quigley is a writer, editor, and educator whose work has received Pushcart Prize and Best New Poets nominations. James was born and raised in New York, where he lives and works as a freelance writer. See more of his writing here.
Last modified on December 22, 2023
